1.Letting go of my first love
First love never dies they say, I always thought my first love would me by last but it doesn’t for me. It was a wonderful experience, a naïve feeling that you always yearn whenever you go back being in love for the first time. He was the first of everything to me, my first kiss, my first date, my first dance, a first fight, a first and few teardrops, a first heartbreak but a first step to have the courage to love again.
2. Being one of his past time is exhausting
Cheating is a cruel heartbreak to endure. It changed me dramatically, my trust, my looks thinking what is wrong with me, it withdraw me to other guys, it corrupted on how future ill be having and it make me seek revenge. Cheating is a cycle, it drains you and it is so unhealthy. Cheating is a choice and being cheated once is a decision to learn and promise not to be cheated twice, thrice. Cheating needs forgiveness, forgive each other and if you want to move on you have to forgive the other person so you may be free from hatred and from what it has become of you.
3. Virginity is the most precious gift
It’s the most precious gift to my husband but then I gave my virginity when I was naively 17. I used to think virginity answers the foundation of a relationship, that it will make you both stay in the relationship but it was totally unacceptable. I used to give my all not just once, twice but to any man I fell in love with thinking they will love me deeply and reciprocate my love for them but then I always end up feeling like a whore because they will leave me behind. I was furiously weeping when I thought I was so dirty, that I was so unforgiveable and so ashamed if my husband will know how much he will think less of me.
But something tugs in my heart that I am worthy, that I am not useless, im not a whore, im not a bitch and my future husband will surely accept me for who I am and for what I was in the past. A soft whisper said that I am loved, I am precious and I am beautifully made I just have to find what I am made for.
4. Planning in the future is a good thing
Young and carefree, live like there’s no tomorrow, meet you now and no strings attached so we can avoid heartbreak, let’s get drunk tonight and forget what happened between us. Staying in a carefree relationship is like in a playground and just pleasuring each other once the time is up then the other player will go home satisfied and the other aint.
5. I thought social media can help me?!
He chat me first, I browse his page it occurs to me that he is just in a same town so we can freely meet each other and so we’ve met. The problem is I don’t who really this person is, facebook can be a tool for lying and be a poser. Yes I feel so right about him, he make me feel we meant for each other. But months had passed we only meet outside not in malls and I haven’t got the chance to meet his family cause he said there’s nothing to meet? Its just him and his dad and his brother. Turn out to be my intuition is right all along when he said he will go abroad to work and the reason is he will support his ex girlfriend’s pregnancy!
I guess social media works for those who are committed, sincere and has a plain and pure motive.
6. Career goals
He is a resident surgeon and I am an employee in an establishment where we were working. At first it gives me butterflies but we certainly not for each other I wasn’t drawn to his high maintenance lifestyle he has and he cannot surely fit in in my tiny world. I learnt that it doesn’t matter what job you have as long as you don’t belittle yourself, as long as you have dreams to pursue it is what matters because there’ll come a time in a relationship were career have to go first.
7. I love myself
Don’t dress something like that it doesn’t fit you. Don’t talk too loud you’re like a nagger. Don’t wear make up it doesn’t suit you you’re just wasting money. Don’t hang out with your college friends they take your time away from me. A manipulative man at first he will flatter and make you fall for his lies. He will play the victim if you turn the tables around. He will trap you and blackmail you. He will appear nice to your parents and friends but this guy will break you. I end up hating him and difficult for me to move on because I was traumatize by his lies. I changed myself because of the lies he put in my head until I realized it was my fault that I let him in. I love myself and I am not supposed to change for someone but for myself to be a better person in in every possible way that what love can teach me.
8. And, true love at last.
It was night when I ask myself that I shouldn’t be looking for love at all but let it find me. I didn’t know that night I wept so hard and surprisingly pray to God that may He be my comforter and mend my heartaches that I want to have an intimate relationship with Him not with any guy I want but just Him. Every single day I pray God that if my heart is ready to fall again let it be His standard not mine, that if He will give me a lover he should love God first.
When you seek God, you will find Him. God is so truth to His promises.
God gave me a Christian boyfriend (a first Christian guy) who came to my life, to be with me to celebrate God’s love to share with others, to experience forgiveness, to pursue purity, who accepts my past, who loves me for who I am and help me to be a better person, he is not perfect and neither am I but one thing’s for sure I have found my true love and I found it in God for He is love.